Struggles

Many of you know that we are facing many changes and some crisis are the reason for them..The good news is we have found a place to move. It is much smaller than where we are, but someone else will be doing the yard work...I like that part at least...It is leaving the town we now live in, but not too far out and closer to the mountains...that is a plus...I am trying to be positive about this change, but for those that know me, you know I don't like change that much...

The other thing that has really thrown me for a loop, my car blew the motor this past week. It is an old car and it would cost more to fix than the car is worth...the problem it is my only car. This means I am sitting at home. I don't know how I am going to move, or how I am going to get where I need to go in the meantime...Financially we are putting everything into the move right now...trying to maintain the home we are in and secure another one is expensive and is not leaving room for buying another car.

On an emotional level, I am struggling...I love the house we are in. I love the town I live in. I am tired of the drama with the house and the owners and I know the move will allow for peace in that sense, but it is a big adjustment to move to a new community and not have transportation at the same time...as for the car, it was my mom's car. She went home to our Father last September and letting go of the car, is like letting go of another part of her...that is why I kept the car to start with...it was like having her with me. She was so proud of that old car and driving it, I felt like she was there with me...it was when I could talk things over with her...it seems like I am having to let go of many of her things right now and that is really hard for me...I am missing her so much right now and honestly feel very alone to deal with it all....

This is my fitness blog, but I really don't have much to say in that area tonight...I did swim some today, but that is about it right now...I have no motivation to get out and run in the heat and the gym is not even possible until we get a car...I am spending most of my time working on packing and trying to sort out the emotions behind this. I know I need to come up with a plan that will work for me until I can get back to the gym...

Nutrition is all over the map. I will admit that I have enjoyed being a little more relaxed about it, but I know I need to get the meals back on track...at least I can control that right now...nothing else seems to be within my control....

I am having major issues with sleep...I have a hard time going to sleep and staying asleep...I wake up tired and grumpy and just wanting to go back to bed, but if I lay down I am wide awake....

Hopefully I will figure out how to make the move happen, and settle in to the new place in a couple of weeks and be able to get back on track....

Sharing this, so people don't think I just vanished, just not in the best place right now.